love, therapy, sex therapist, couples therapy

Be the Love You Want to See: Getting out of Gridlock

Do you ever feel that if only your partner would step in and give you the love you need, that only then, you’d be able to respond in kind?

Well, you may be waiting a long time. Because your significant other is probably waiting for you to do the same thing.

So how do you move past this love gridlock, where you’re both standing in your corners with your arms crossed in defiance? You risk taking the first step.

I know, it’s hard to do. You think- How do I show love and support when I haven’t had MY needs met? Well, again, you can justify your position till the cows come home, but then you will be in that exact same spot. Feeling alone. Entitled and feeling justified in your position, but alone.

So stretch yourself a bit. Think about how you could come out of your shell and towards your partner. Let some walls down. How can you share a part of yourself or your feelings? Can you be vulnerable? What is he or she needing at that moment? Is it so hard to do? What do you think could happen? You may just be surprised.

It just takes some kind words, or a small gesture of love to show you’re holding out your hand to them to bridge the gap. You may be met with a suspicious look….or one of curiosity…..because you have likely been gridlocked and so stuck in this dynamic that your partner isn’t expecting you to do anything else.

However, this can be a first step to soften the tension and help you two start to come together.  And it’s from this place, once you start stepping in, that they may join you in this dance and you may start getting back what you want from them.