| The best gift we can give our children is a great relationship with our partner. This is what creates the happiest home, allows us to be the best parents AND models success, setting the example of what they will expect for themselves with a partner in their future.
When you have a great relationship with your partner, you are happier. You’re relaxed. You know someone has your back. You nurture that relationship so it keeps being a source of strength in your life. Because you have such strong support, you’re a better parent. You’re able to be present with your kids. You have energy and attention to give them. And you set a great example for them about what it means to take care of your relationship. What a lot of other people do is take their relationship for granted, neglecting it while they focus their energy on their kids. They believe that focusing on their kids is what the kids need. But you and I know that we need to take care of the one thing that will make the most difference to our kids in the long term – our relationship. We are creating a solid foundation for them – a happy, loving partnership. This is what teaches them what to expect for themselves one day. This is what provides security for them as they grow up. This is what lets them sleep great at night and wake up ready to succeed to the best of their abilities. You know that kids are watching you and learning from you all the time. If you’re a good parent, you know how important it is to walk the walk. Kids do what we do, not what we say. Think about it…how do they feel when they watch you kiss or embrace? I mean, sure, we’ve all heard “Ew, gross!” But you know they’re happy the two of you are connecting. What do they learn every time they see you spend time together, go on a date, or engage in conversation? They internalize how important it is to invest in your relationships. And they benefit from the connection the two of you have. And what do they learn when they see the two of you handle conflict well, have arguments but work them out, repair and apologize when things have gotten tense? They learn that conflict can be dealt with. They learn they don’t have to avoid it and shut up about what matters to them. Your kids will learn from you, even subconsciously, what they should expect for themselves someday when they choose a partner. And this is what helps them know to leave a relationship someday if it isn’t healthy, loving, and supportive.
And I want to ask you: what is the best way to build happiness and connection in your relationship so that you can create this positivity for your kids? It all starts with intimacy. Most people who are in difficult relationships are also having trouble in the bedroom. But the couples who have a strong love life and find it easy to share intimacy are also the ones who get along great and live a happy life together. Paying attention to your intimate connection is going to be a really strong investment in your life as a couple, with lots of payoff for your kids.
We need to do the work of creating a thriving relationship so that our kids see that effort and feel that reward. If you do what it takes to make intimacy easy and enjoyable for both of you, that’s going to ripple out to your whole relationship. A happy, stable, and loving relationship creates security for our kids, and it creates an example of what they can expect for themselves. They are going to be able to recognize what healthy intimacy feels like when they’re adults. And maybe more importantly, they’ll recognize what isn’t healthy – and they won’t stick around for that. We get to give them the gift of that inner knowing. It’s another way of keeping them safe.
Plus, when we put attention into our intimacy with our partner, we are happier. So we are better parents. When you don’t lose energy worrying about your relationship or managing the distance between you and your partner, you have that much more energy and attention to give your kids. Have you lost sleep over the state of your intimacy? Have you been worried that your relationship isn’t making you and your partner happy? Have you been grumpy, frustrated, resentful, or distracted when you aren’t happy in the bedroom? All that worry takes away from being present with your children. But if you make your love life better, you’re freed up. More joy, less frustration. More kindness, less avoidance. More love, less resentment.
What would happen if every home were a safe, loving and joyful environment for our kids to grow up in? The world would be a happier and safer place. What if every child saw a fulfilling relationship and knew this is what they could have, too? They’d go on to have great relationships themselves. How much happier would your kids be if they were surrounded by people who were solidly in love and fulfilled? They would grow up with the most important advantage they could have.
What example do you want to set for your kids? What are you willing to do to give them the very best start in life? If you are committed to your kids and committed to making your relationship as strong as it can be, then reach out and we can discuss what could help you to make it easy to want sex again so that it never feels like a chore. |
