Is My Relationship Healthy? How to Recognize the Signs and What to Do Next

Relationships can be incredibly fulfilling—but they can also be confusing, frustrating, and even painful at times. Many individuals and couples walk into my office asking the same question:

“Is my relationship healthy?”

They wonder if their arguments, emotional ups and downs, or unmet needs are just part of a normal relationship—or signs of deeper issues that signal something is truly wrong.

Here’s the truth: Every relationship has struggles. Even the happiest couples experience conflict, miscommunication, and periods of disconnection. But healthy relationships have patterns that allow couples to navigate these challenges in a way that strengthens their bond, rather than breaking it down.

So, how can you tell if your relationship is on solid ground or if it needs some serious work? Let’s break it down.

What Does a Healthy Relationship Look Like?

A healthy relationship doesn’t mean a perfect one. It means you and your partner can handle challenges, support each other’s growth, and create a dynamic that brings out the best in both of you.

Here are some key signs that your relationship is in a good place:

1. You Feel Secure—Together and Apart

Healthy relationships enhance your sense of self, rather than diminish it. You should feel safe, valued, and supported—whether you’re physically together or spending time apart.

One woman shared how, early in her relationship, she would panic when her partner didn’t respond to texts quickly.But as their relationship matured, she realized she could trust in their connection, even when they weren’t constantly in touch. That’s a sign of emotional security.

• You trust your partner and don’t feel the need to constantly check in.
• You feel good about yourself within the relationship.
• Time apart isn’t anxiety-inducing—it’s healthy and refreshing.

2. You Can Solve Problems Together

Every couple argues—but it’s how you handle conflict that determines whether your relationship is strong.

Do you:

• Talk through problems calmly and respectfully?
• Take responsibility for your actions instead of blaming?
• Find solutions together rather than “winning” the argument?

Healthy couples don’t avoid conflict—they navigate it well.

3. You Inspire Each Other to Grow

A strong relationship doesn’t shrink you—it expands you. If you and your partner encourage each other to chase dreams, take risks, and evolve, that’s a sign of true emotional support.

One man once told me, “My partner makes me want to be better—not because she pressures me, but because she believes in me.”

• Your relationship pushes you toward personal growth.
• You celebrate each other’s individual goals.
• You’re not trying to control or hold each other back.

4. You Can Be Honest Without Fear

Honesty is the foundation of trust. If you can share your thoughts, feelings, and fears without fear of judgment, your relationship is in a good place.

•  You can talk about tough topics without walking on eggshells.
• You don’t hide things out of fear of your partner’s reaction.
• Your partner listens without immediately getting defensive.

One couple I worked with struggled with honesty—not because they didn’t love each other, but because they avoided difficult conversations to “keep the peace.” Over time, that avoidance built resentment. Real intimacy requires truthfulness, even when it’s uncomfortable.

5. Your Relationship is a Priority

A relationship doesn’t thrive on autopilot. If you and your partner actively invest in your connection, it’s a sign that you both value and prioritize the relationship.

• You make time for each other, even when life is busy.
• You express appreciation rather than taking each other for granted.
• You regularly check in about how the relationship feels.

Signs Your Relationship May Be Unhealthy

Not all unhealthy relationships are toxic or doomed—but recognizing problematic patterns early gives you the power to make changes.

1. You Feel More Insecure Than Secure

If your relationship makes you feel anxious, unsure of yourself, or constantly on edge, something isn’t right.

• You feel like you’re walking on eggshells, unsure how your partner will react.
• You constantly seek reassurance because you don’t feel secure in the relationship.
• Your self-esteem has declined since the relationship began.

2. Conflict Never Gets Resolved

Do arguments go in circles, with no real resolution? Do small issues explode into major fights or get swept under the rug?

• Conflicts never actually get solved—they just repeat.
• One or both of you shut down or withdraw instead of communicating.
• You feel like you’re fighting the same battles over and over.

3. You Try to Control or Change Each Other

It’s natural to want your partner to grow—but if you find yourself trying to mold them into someone they’re not, that’s a sign of an unhealthy dynamic.

• You feel like your partner should change in order for you to be happy.
• You pressure them to be different rather than accepting them as they are.
• Your partner limits your personal growth instead of supporting it.

One man once told me, “I kept trying to change my partner into someone who would make me happy, but I realized I needed to either accept her as she was or move on.”

4. There’s Emotional or Physical Withdrawal

Does one of you constantly pull away, emotionally or physically?

• You avoid deep conversations because they feel exhausting.
• One or both of you have stopped initiating affection.
• You feel more like roommates than romantic partners.

5. The Relationship is at the Bottom of Your Priority List

If everything else—work, kids, friends, hobbies—comes before your partner, it might be a sign that the connection is fading.

• You rarely make intentional time for each other.
• You spend more time complaining about the relationship than enjoying it.
• You catch yourself fantasizing about being single or with someone else.

What to Do if Your Relationship Feels Unhealthy

If you recognize unhealthy patterns, don’t panic—it doesn’t necessarily mean you need to end things. Many couples go through rough patches and come out stronger.

Here’s what you can do:

• Have an honest conversation – Express how you feel and see if your partner is open to making changes.
• Identify patterns – Are there behaviors that repeat? Understanding them is the first step toward breaking them.
• Work on your own growth – Sometimes, personal healing leads to relationship healing.
• Consider couples therapy – A professional can help you shift destructive patterns and build a healthier dynamic.

Final Thoughts: Healthy Relationships Require Effort—But They’re Worth It

No relationship is perfect, but a healthy relationship should feel like a place of security, growth, and love—not a constant source of stress and pain.

If your relationship needs some adjustments, don’t be discouraged. The key is awareness, communication, and a willingness to grow together.

Need support? Therapy can help you gain clarity, improve communication, and build a healthier relationship dynamic.

If you’re ready to take the next step, reach out today—I’d love to help.